Can I be honest right now? I mean, really honest? Can I tell you how I really feel?? I'm not going to apologize for how it may sound or how long this may be. Here we go..
I miss my old life. I really do. Don't get me wrong, I have wanted to stay at home my whole life and have a house full of babies. If fact, I love that Dallas (my 4 legged baby) is laying at my feet right now. But I miss the days of getting dressed for work ( I did it for 12 years!) and wear fabulous shoes and packing my lunch or meeting my hot boyfriend for lunch. It seemed so affair like to have lunch with him downtown when we were dating! And that is another thing. I really miss blowing a paycheck on a fab pair of jeans... they are still in the closet but won't fit until there are some serious changes and a couple of flu visits!
I miss sleeping all day with my hubby and finally peeling ourselves out of bed to go and find food. What about those nights that were spend doing nothing but having the time of our lives. The only thing we had to worry about was who was going to get out of bed for 3 minutes to take the dog out in the am.
This task of being a mom, that has eternity weighing on my shoulders. PEOPLE, the Lord is going to ask me about my parenting skills.... here is the scary part, I have no clue what I'm doing? When I was pregnant and knew everything, this seemed so simple, but now, it's so complicated.
My girlfriend Carrie calls it kingdom building. I love that. It makes the days of blow outs and melt downs seem less mundane.
I wrote this blog when I was pregnant and had some clarity before the storm. I found it last night and remembered the days that I could not wait for!
Please don't judge me. Please pray for me, I mean it! Pray that I will learn contentment at home. That's another thing, we moved (again). Our house is a mess and I'm working my little hands off to get it in order. Please pray that I will have the patience to weather this storm in my life and come out a better wife, mom but mostly, a better Jesus follower.