Monday, April 23, 2012

Jesus baggage

Were you raised in the church?  I was.  And until Jr. high, now called middle school (what's up with that??), I knew that Jesus loved me and by asking him to come and live in my heart, that I would go to heaven.  Plan and simple.  I knew that he had saved me, but from what?  Swearing at the pool, like the cool kids did.  Or thinking mean thoughts?  Or being disrespectful to my mom or dad?  Or lying once in a while?  Or hitting my sister?

Then, in middle school we went to a christian school that was also a church.  Does that make sense?  A church that started a school.  They were suppose to be different, there was SUPPOSE to be separation of church and school- ha!  Church doctrine was not suppose to spill over into the education side.  Yeah, right.  Now, I will say this.  The education was different and I will save my opinions of christian education for later.  There is enough to write a book about it.  But I will tell you this:

When your parents pour their hearts and souls into their children, they flood them with truth, their version of the truth.  What they believe to be their interpretation of the gospel is, it becomes truth to their children. It's beautiful.  It's what I pray we do with our girls and future Robertson children.

This church-school that we attended for 2 short years has had a profound effect on my walk with the Lord.  I mean years of searching and praying for, what I now to FULLY believe as not truth.  I saw phony like I have never seen it.  I really struggle with not judging people at church, especially women (thankfully, I have an incredible group of women at my church now and I can say that I am on the road to recovery as a reformed women hater!!).

They believe(d) you can lose your salvation.  I can not tell you how many times that I have asked the Lord to be my savior OVER AND OVER AND OVER!!  Maybe if I hadn't had some quiet time with Him in a while or hadn't prayed if a while.  Ridiculous I know.  He is more concerned with me than I am and more interested in my future than I could possible dream of.

During worship time at the church, some women would "talk in tongues" or become "slan in the spirit".  I'm sorry, but that is some scary stuff, especially when your home church barely claps during worship and NO ONE raises their hands!!  *side note, one of my good friends does talk in tongues, or a prayer language.  When I was preggo with AB, I asked her to pray for me about some fear and as she was, she used her prayer language and I almost gave birth right there I was so freaked out.  I actually had to talk to her about it so I could still think she was normal!  haha!!

They would yell during the sermon.  I hate yelling and it does nothing but make me uncomfortable.  You can talk calmly and still get your point across and conviction can still happen.  Amen?  Amen.

It was never said, but definenintly the culture, if you didn't raise your hands during worship and cry, then there wasn't conviction or you just were not holy enough.  I remember almost feeling like I had to ball my eyes out every time during worship over something that happened.  Like I didn't clean my room like my mom asked and therefore I need to repent and cry so hard my whole face turned red.

Fast forward, 15 years.  And here I am, still working on all these lies that have haunted me for what seems like an eternity.  I have finally surrendered about losing my salvation and am in the camp of "once saved, always saved".  I have peace with my eternal destination.  Speaking in tongues freaks me out and I am only okay with my said friend using it around me.  I think that if Frank ever did it, I might sleep on the couch.  Just kidding, but seriously.  I go to a church of non-yellers.  Instead, he is sarcastic and I love it.  He gets his point across calmly and gives me things to think about throughout the week.  Some people raise their hands, some don't.  I sometimes do and sometimes I don't.  No one judges you either way and doing it doesn't make you any more holy than the ones that do.

I attend this amazing women's ministry, sisterhood, and we started a series called "the life study" formally cleansing stream.  This last week, Geoff talked about finding life.  Amazing.  I got it.  He talked about salvation not just being a "get out of hell card".  But why we need it and what it means.  I was floored.  I was telling my friend on the way home that there isn't much that I haven't heard, being raised in the church.  This was the first time that I have heard this!!!!!!

We are all lost; Salvation in healing, restoration and forgiveness.  It's sozo; the save, keep safe and sound, to rescue from danger/ destruction, to save a suffering one from perishing, to make well, heal and restore to health

Oh my word.  I was just floored.  I got it.  How much my heart needs to be kept safe from danger/destruction.  How my physical needs need to be met.  And on and on and on.  I have not stopped trying to wrap my brain around this for the last few days.

Lastly, this video is absolutely hysterical.  And it's true and this is why I really have not liked church women for a while.  I mean until the last year or so.  I just found them to be so phony and a little too bible thumper for me.  Please laugh as hard as I did.  And if, for whatever reason, you thought that I was like this, I'm sorry.

Happy Monday!


Sarah McLaurin said...

ok...that video...i'm laughing and crying at the same time about how true and disturbing it is!!! lol lol. But great post, thanks for sharing!

Jessica said...

Wow, while reading your post, I had to stop myself and remind myself that you were writing your thoughts not me! I am in total agreement with you!


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